you're up...

..and then you're down...
Man if there is one thing i am learning, it is that this life is going to be an ongoing process of learning more and more of how unperfect (if that is a word) I am, how underserved is His grace and mercy..and sanctification is such an awesome work that God does in us..but MAN it is hard and it makes me realize that until i die i will be learning more and more about my sinful heart and keep seeing more and more places in my life where God is redeeming me ..He says that even our rightousness is as filthy rags...but that is what is so wonderful about God's agape (unconditional love) a love that surpasses all understanding..i mean how many times do we look at God straight in the face and tell him that we choose something else for that moment ..we choose a temporary fulfillment, we choose ourselves, we choose pride, we choose laziness..and we do this knowing that God's precious one and only Son Jesus Christ suffered the most painful death..and He did this knowing we would curse his Name and sin against him..Shane and Shane put's it perfectly
"should You give me one more breath to curse Your name oh God? why allow me one more
thought to delight in me? do i have the right to walk a step upon Your grace? while i call
upon myself, should You give me life?"
this sounds like something horrible has happened..but as God has shown me that I can walk in victory, and not live a life of those outward sins (drinking, gossiping, etc, etc) He is now showing me that it is in actuallity the intangible sins that are even more important because these are the ones that determine who we are..they are our character..the outward, the picture of our life is formed and created by the inward,, who we are on the inside..that is where it all begins..in the places no one can see..the places in our heart that only God knows about..He shows us our pride, our selfishness, our laziness, our insecurities, our fears, our bitterness, our anger..all of these may be hidden in the secret places of our hearts..we may have burried them so deep and only God can surface these and allow us to give them up to him..allowing him to continually refine and redeem us from our sinful nature..molding us to a more beautiful picture of who He would have us be..I want so badly to be teachable, moldable, so i can become that woman of God he has planned for me to be..and He tells us that we are created for his workmanship and that He will finish the work He has started in us..all of this I know..but faith is tricky..we can have faith, our finite human minds may believe, but when it comes down to it, do we really act on that faith, do we live out that faith??
"tell me reveal to me, how can i be a young (wo)man keeping my way pure by living by your Word..for i seek you Lord with all my heart. i'm amazed, i will praise, i will pray, i'm amazed, i will praise, i will praise...for tonight I'll delight. i will not neglect your Word. i'm amazed. hold me, don't let me stray, hear my cry.. the Word is hidden in my heart, within my heart. cover me that i might live and i won't sin against you my Lord. hear i am. i believe in life abundantly. i hope in You"
that is my prayer..it's a daily battle between the spirit and the flesh..how weak is the flesh?!?! there is so much more i have to learn! but it's exciting to see this journey God has taken me on..and it is exciting to think about where this road will lead and all the things He will teach me on the way..this life is a pattern..it's a constant cleansing of the heart that takes place through trials in our lives, our minds..and then our leaning on God who gives us the strength to conquer these obstacles and milestones in our lives..as we then come out victorious..we live in that victory!! the same power that raised Jesus on the 3rd day and defeated death is the same power alive in us!! don't forget this ..be encouraged cuz we have already won!!
love yall
feel free to leave me your thoughts..i would love some insight